Nintendo announces Shigeru Miyamoto 2 as surefire hit sequel to original Miyamoto
TOKYO, JAPAN - Nintendo of Japan today officially put to rest rumors of Shigeru Miyamoto’s retirement, announcing instead that the much-beloved Nintendo game director would instead be “slowly phased out” in favor of Shigeru Miyamoto 2. While officials at Nintendo declined to comment on the specific timeframe of this transition, the company did go on to say that “Miyamoto 2 will capture the same excitement, wonder, and revenue as the previous Shigeru. Only this time, he’s got a few new tricks up his sleeve!”
Earlier this week, rumors that longtime producer Shigeru Miyamoto would be stepping down rocked the gaming blogosphere. Miyamoto, who is responsible for beloved Nintendo creations such as Super Mario Bros, Rapid Nomenclature Paradox Revolution, and Pokemon, was considered wholly irreplaceable. Shares of Nintendo stock dropped markedly following a turbulent day on the Nikkei index. But with Nintendo’s clarification that Shiggy Moto 2 will contain all the eccentricity, laughter, and awkward voice acting of the previous iteration, shares rose to an all-time high, indicating investor confidence that the sequel will perform well in traditional Nintendo markets.
“When I heard Miyamoto was retiring, I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know if I could feel emotions anymore. Especially not joy,” said Donald Rumsfeld, former US Secretary of Defense. “Now that Shigeru Miyamoto 2 is on the horizon, I think I can go on believing in magic again. I have my preorder ready and everything.”
Nintendo fans worldwide echoed Rumsfeld’s sentiment as new web sites, YouTube tributes, and speculation about the features of Miyamoto 2 ran rampant. While Nintendo has yet to reveal how Shiggy Moto 2 will carry on the legacy of the popular first title, sources close to president Satoru Iwata indicate that Miyamoto 2 will inherit the graphics and physics engine that were so well-received in the first.
“Let’s face it: while Miyamoto 1 was really fun, it was last gen technology,” commented a disappointed Joystiq writer JC Fletcher in an interview followup. “A Miyamoto 2 release in Q3 or Q4 of 2012 really merits something more impressive. Dynamic lighting, ragdoll physics, or believable lip-syncing are the bare minimum for the next generation of gaming.”
When asked directly for comment on the prospects for his replacement by GameFawn staff, Shigeru Miyamoto transformed into a comet and left Earth’s orbit, only to be seen again when the night sky was illuminated with the hopes of good children everywhere.